Sunday, February 28, 2010

DAY641- Day 540 in Recovery Paradise

Tomorrow is the big day in a seemingly endless array of big days. I go in for my latest CTScan for spots on my liver. The last one was of my head and neck area and although it came back clean- it accidentally (or was it) noted a non-typical spot on the top of my liver. Normally I would have been still celebrating a clean scan for my Tonsil Cancer...but all that has been postponed until I get these new results back.

I have to take a lot of pre-meds starting 12 hours before, 2 hours before, 1.5 hours before, 1/2 hour before and 2 minutes before.

My scan is scheduled for tomorrow night. Whereas most of us do not need a good excuse to lift a glass of wine, I would ask that at 7:20 pm, PST, anyone that has read this by then, hoist a glass and think a good thought. Kind of like in Peter Pan where the kids were asked to say "I believe in Fairies, I believe in Fairies" to make the magic happen. If this is awkward...drink a pre-drink drink at 7:00 pm and it will be much easier to pull off. If indeed you choose to say" To Bob, I believe in Fairies:...please forewarn anyone listening of why you are sayings this, so as to not create any rumors regarding my masculinity.

"If, of thy mortal goods, thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves
alone to thee are left,
Sell one & from the dole,
Buy Hyacinths to feed the soul"

- Muslihuddin Sadi, 13th Century Persian Poet

"If, of thy mortal goods, thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves
alone to thee are left,
Sell one & from the dole,
Buy Hyacinths to feed the soul"
- Muslihuddin Sadi,
13th Century Persian Poet

Saturday, February 27, 2010

DAY 640 - Day 539 in Recovery Paradise

After I posted that my CTScan came back with an abnormal blip on it and I had to take another scan Monday night...I have gotten so many emails from people with similar experiences. I participate in an international Tonsil Cancer forum and have heard from several people that discovered cysts, scar tissue, and shadows and everything turned out OK.

I am embracing that portion of the anticipation and other than not sleeping well at night - the subconscious does its own thing - my attitude is picking up. I throw myself into my blog writing and have opened a series on HubPost. While I am writing positive thoughts,it crowds out the doubt.

I read a bit more than I used to and am gratified by old classic poetry. I find myself reading my personal situation into about any song or poem regarding my desire to work more efficiently on my legacy while there is time to work on my legacy...

Robert Frost is the current man of the hour:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

DAY 637 - Day 536 in Recovery Paradise

A short note to all re: my 1.5 year CTSCAN from Saturday am.

Got my results back yesterday. Kind of a high and a low. The good news is that my head, neck, lungs look clean...the down side is there is a new found spot on my liver. They are setting me up to go in for a new CTScan soon to scan that area. This last scan "accidentally" scanned the top of my liver in addition to the selected areas and they saw something odd. So....I can quit "imagining" aches and pains in my neck and start "imagining" pains in my side..ha.

Wasn't the way I hoped it would turn out exactly. I should have just read the top half of the diagnosis and thrown the bottom half away.

For those of you that post to Facebook and Twitter - you are familiar with describing your life events in 140 characters or less. Here is Heaven and Hell in 168 characters.

Good news: Stable appearance of the neck without evidence of recurrence.

Bad news: Questionable 1.2 cm area of low attenuation in the right posterior lobe of the liver.

If I ever said didn't like my bookie's odds with Tonsil Cancer, I retract my statements. However, radiologist says it could be a cyst...will have to do another CTScan, ultrasound and perhaps another PETScan or biopsy.

I really need to be more specific with my conversations with God. Before I got the gift of Tonsil Cancer I had wished to loose 10 lbs and spend more time at home...I got a loss of 35 lbs and 6 months at home...not exactly what I had in mind. Now all of us joke about beating this beast and living long enough to die of something else. Once again I heartily recommend you all be more specific - like "live 20 more years and die peacefully in my sleep" ... I am hoping this new twist is not the ironic answer to my..."something else"...ha

All in all, I have been feeling fabulous and "cured" lately, so was probably not properly focused on "finishing strong" with my legacy. I am confident this is God's way of getting me to focus a lot more on the truly important contributions I should be making and get off the premise that I will probably live forever. My plan is to get another 20 years I had better get on it....

"Live Strong - Finish Strong"

Sunday, February 14, 2010

DAY 627 - Day 526 in Recovery Paradise

I was never into keeping a diary when I was younger [or a dairy either]. This blog is the closest thing I've ever done to logging my thoughts on a regular basis. A year ago, in 2009, I only posted twice. I had gone back to work part time and was tired a lot. It is much better now, but have been anxious a bit anticipating my 1.5 year post treatment CTScan on the 17th.

Being Valentine Day today, I am reflecting on the love in my home and with my family. My goal since being diagnosed, is to make sure that those around me know that I care about them and my love does not go unspoken or unshown. We have all heard the heartfelt cry of people in the news that lost a loved one and lament that they didn't get a chance to say "I love you" one more time.

My cancer wake-up call has provided me the unique gift of awareness to remind me of the necessity of keeping all your bridges in good repair.

We are in the midst of my daughter's [and her friends] Valentine Day party as we speak. Lily the hampster is in a pink roll-around ball [attached to a leash], there are red flowers, and pink petals strewn everywhere, with pink heart-shaped sugar cookies and pizza on Valentine plates and a Valentine treasure hunt to ensue in a few minutes. I am the coordinator of the treasure hunt.

I arranged for a quartet of ladies from the Sacramento Women's Choral Society to deliver chocolates, a Valentine card and sing a couple of love songs "A cappela" at Lise's office on Friday. I was very excited to pull something off that was non-traditional that would be a total surprise. It was going well until Lise woke up with a sore throat Friday morning and announced she was going to call in sick and not go to work!

"Oh, Baby - You HAVE to go to work today!" was the only thing I could think of to say. After much struggling to keep the secret as well as keep the surprise on course, we compromised [after lots of questions about why I was insistent upon a sick person trudging off to work] with "Just be at your desk by 2:00pm and trust me."

Although it wasn't a total surprise, the event went well. Lise knew something was happening, but not what. The ladies were great, I hear, and even sang an encore. Their style is 40's ballads. They perform at just about all my monthly evening business mixers I coordinate for the Metro Chamber. When they did the Andrew sisters "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" at one of my events last year, they brought down the house.

It doesn't take much to deliver the "picture" that is worth a thousand words [although a thousand words is pretty easy for me..ha] to those that mean the most. I am lucky, I have a sense of urgency that provides many more opportunities to sweat the small stuff and deliver the picture of how much everyone means to me.

A great quote I enjoy is: "The difference between winning and losing, is your level of commitment to doing a thousand little things right. Sweat the small stuff."

"Everyday, show your family how much you love them with your words, with your touch, and with your thoughtfulness."...H. Jackson Brown, Jr.